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Scan. Beep.
I have yet
to decide exactly how I feel about my SuperMega grocery store's
new automated check out lanes. On the one hand, there's something
rather Orwellian about a machine creating a shopping experience
utterly devoid of any human interaction. On the other hand,
there's a refreshing honesty about the coldness of the machine,
as opposed to a really bored store employee talking to the clerk
at the next register who provides the appearance of human interaction
without ever actually interacting. At least the machine doesn't
pretend to care.
These automates
lanes are marvels of modern technology - computer screens, cash
slots and conveyor belts that allow you to scan, bag, and pay
for your groceries without having to deal with anybody. And
some days this is nice, like on days when you would otherwise
be stuck behind an imbecile who divides twelve items into three
piles so they can pay three separate times. Or, say, when your
wife happens to forget to bring the diet Coke in from the trunk
of her car before she goes to work and now you're waking up
at 9AM with a massive Jagermeister hangover in dire need of
caffeine and you simply can't function enough to even brush
your teeth so you're forced to drag your smelly self to the
grocery store with your dreadlocks all askew reeking of an ashtray
that lost a fight with a liquor store....
Hypothetically
speaking, of course.
But I have
to admit that a part of me feels like an idiot for using the
automated check out lanes. I mean, I'm actually allowing the
store to provide me less service for the same price. I save
them the trouble of paying a clerk - in fact I do the clerk's
job - but I give them the same amount of money. Don't get me
wrong - there is a certain diabolical genius to a system that
gets the consumer to be willing to pay to assume the role of
pro bono employee. I'm just saying that it makes me feel like
a schmuck.
Besides,
a machine is still a machine, and as such, sometimes has all
the charm and personality of an automated voice menu loop. On
one occasion I was tempted to pop the Hal-like contraption right
in the monitor when it schizophrenically blithered at me in
its soothing female newscaster voice to both wait for a store
employee and scan my next item. Only after much random key punching
did it allow me to continue.
I have to
confess, though, that I am ultimately drawn to those automated
lanes because, well, there's something kind of cool about scanning
your own groceries. I mean, who hasn't wanted to try one of
those laser thingies at some point? It's like a giant toy -
scan, beep, scan, beep.
Do I miss
the human interaction when I use the machine? Of course. Nothing
can replace the experience of a shared moment with my fellow
compassionate human beings. But if they keep letting me play
with the scanner, I think I'll get over it.
This
column © 2002 Lee Totten.
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