"The names have been changed to protect the intoxicated... (in most cases)."
You know how it happens.... You go out for "just one drink" with your friends (honest honey, just one drink!) and somewhere during your first beer, some wise guy buys you a Jager shot. Next thing you know, it's 4 AM, you don't know where you're clothes are, the police officer is asking you to recite the alphabet and wants to know how the Emu ended up in your back seat....
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FAN-SUBMITTED JAGERMEISTER STORIES
I am well known for drinking large amounts of pop, but have now moved onto jager. The second time I ever drank a lot, was with jager. I gave my friend 10 dollars for a third of a bottle, poured it in a cup with some ice, and in thirty seconds had friends telling me how crazy i just was. I was told i would pass out and/or throw up in 10 minutes but never did.
All I know is i did some crazy shit and woke up to my step-dad asking me why i drove through the lawn last night.
- Pop (Austintown, OH)
It was the 4th of July a few years ago...
This day also happens to be a good friend of mine's birthday. I was in the mood for a good party, so I made a trip to the liquor store. I was shocked to see only one pint sized bottle of Jager there. I bought it and a pint of my second favorite poison, Southern Comfort. I proceeded to begin drinking.
At some point both bottles got opened at the same time. Things got a little blurred but I do remember walking up to a complete stranger with these two bottles in my hands. I held up the Jager and said "German". I held up the SoCo and said, "Comfort". I then proceeded to hold each up again and say, "German Comfort! It's like a Volkswagen Man!"
That's all I remember. But I did wake up the next afternoon with a strange girl and my head shaved.- Adam Johnson (Louisville, KY)
While out on a drinking binge one night with a group of friends, we walked down a suburbian street. My friend Ed had been drinking Jager exclusively and was quite intoxicated. Suddenly, he cried out, "Oh my GOD!" while staring straight ahead. We others, only some of which had some of the German specialty drink, looked to see what the commotion was about.
Apparently, those that had drunk some of the herbal liquer witnessed a naked man with a long white beard run down the street, while those that did not just stood there scratching their heads. I was out of the loop (thank god!)
- Mike Cunha (Mississauga, ONT)
I have so many Jag stories, I just don't know where to begin! I've scratched my glasses, chipped my front tooth, busted my knee wide open, and sprained my ankles. I've pissed on floors, (not to mention Christmas day for Christ's sake! I think that's a sacrilige) regardless, pissed on almost every lawn in town, in alleys, in the sink, in the men's room, and of course in my pants. I've puked several times, but never on the bar, thank God! And not to mention all of the innocent flirtations with hot guys. Ladies, you'll be surprised how many times 'pull my finger' can get you some smooch action in the back of the bar!
Things got even crazier when I realized that Barenjager was not only just as good as Jager- meister, but also even better with Jag, and gets you way more fucked up than you could ever even possibly aspire to be! My good friend Rico calls it 'Mind Eraser,' which is certainly even more enhanced with a little bit of Rico's Sexy Mexy...which isn't even the 'G.S.!' (good stuff.)
But on to a point possibly, eh? I apologize for the long-windedness. I've acquired many Jag buddies over the years, and find that Jagermeister is definately thicker than water! The Jag that binds...memories are made of Jag, an oxymoron if I've ever heard one! First of all, my good buddy Ryan who could turn any night into a circus with two words; 'Jag Night.' They would spread like wildfire througout our dorm to all of us fellow Jag lovers. These nights consisted of two, three, four or more bottles of Jag, a little bit of Coke, Cherry Coke, Dr. Pepper, or what have you..and lots of shots. My old roommate Rachel is another old Jag buddy, but she is currently off of the Jag due to a rough night. But don't worry, she's still on the pot. Every now and again when she's all pissed up I can talk her into one for old times sake, and her boyfriend always has to thank me the next day. She has quite a mean streak I tell ya! Not to mention my current roommate, Roommate Brad. In this Jag buddy I have found all about (wimpy stuff) like wine coolers and fruity-tooty bullshit like that. That's one thing I cannot stand, somebody who doesn't know how to DRINK! So I gave her her first shot of Jagermeister, and I tell ya! It's been all uphill since! We call her Melons... and after a couple shots of Jag, Silly Melons! 'Oh Mary, he's not from foriegn!' No shit.
And there's nothing like being at the bar and hearing someone say 'I'll have a shot of Jagermeister please.' Because you know that you can say 'make it two,' and before you know it, you've gained another Jag buddy. I can't think of another beverage that comes with so much commeradery. It's almost enought to make me cry. So the next time you drink a shot of Jagermeister, drink up to all of the Jag buddies that you've been fortunate to have in the past. There's an extra special spot in my heart (not to mention my liver!} that is reserved for all of my beloved Jag buddies, past and present. It's almost 9:00, I should go to the bar and get a shot...here's to you, Jag buddy!
- Mary Jane (WI)
ED. NOTE: I'm getting all misty. I think I'm going to cry.... Thank YOU Jag buddy!
I had a wisdom tooth growing in. So, I bought Jiffy drops to pack the tooth. Then, some wise guy said, "You need a jager for that tooth ache." I did a shot,began to get queasy, took another shot, got hot flashes, puked, passed out and I swore I'd never touch Jiffy drops again, and I haven't!
- Jennifer Sweitzer (Moorseville, NC)
One of my earliest episodes with Jagermeister came on Halloween night. First of all, I was dressed as a woman, the ugliest you've ever seen, and I was in a huge house that I had never been in.
I had just started seeing a girl and she decided to come and talk to me after I had finished the bottle. She put her hand on my arm and I yelled "KRISSIE!! F*** OFF!!"
Her name was Sarah.
My ex's was Krissie.
Then I beat up a couch, in my dress, while people watched and were frightened. Good old Jagermeister, you never disappoint.
- Jeff (Mississauga, ONT)
I have always enjoyed a nice bottle of Jagermeister at a party, or wherever, but one night, after being sober for about 8 months, I went overboard.
My friends invited me to a party and persuaded me to start up my drinking again. I went out to the store and bought a bottle of Jagermeister and a six pack of beer for the evening. As the night went on, I started chasing my large gulps of Jagermeister with the beer. That's when I started puking over the spiral stairs of my friends house into his hands and into his bathroom sink, clogging it completely.
Then I decided to take a pee, I started wobbling all over the place and my girlfriend came in to hold me upright... I proceeded to urinate on her. I puked some more and we waited for the sink to drain. It was a devastating night.
- Jeff (Mississauga, ONT)
I was partying at my sisters apartment. I got a bottle of Jager because I heard that metallica like to drink it. Well, I really like black licorice, so I immediatly liked this stuff. I drank a whole bottle in about 45 minutes...or so my sister says. I then remember going outside and crashing out on the rocks outside. Then I remember briefly sitting in a chair.
The next thing I knew it was about 5 o clock in the morning and I was on the, you guessed it, the kitchen floor. It seems that my sister didn't want me puking all over her sofa so she put me in the only place that she had tile in. I took a shower and immediatly felt the hangover. The worst part about this story is I had to go to a football game that day! I never heard so loud of fans in my life!
Once, at a camp out. I drank an entire bottle of Jager and Early Times. Needless to say by the end of the night I was getting friendly with the 150 lb dead hog that was meant for the next day's BBQ.
I didn't wake up in my own tent and the rest of the night is a blur. But my friends were so thoughtful as to take pictures of me so I could re-live the excitement
- Mike at Bar(Louisville, KY)
ED. NOTE: Now it's the PICTURES we want to see....
My fiance' introduced me to Jagermeister. After the first shot, I was in love. Every chance I got, I would get a bottle.
One evening, I decided to drink a whole bottle by myself. I started puking, but went back for more jager. I was stupid enough to drive home after that. I spent the entire night and all of the next day sick as a dog and throwing up until 8:oo pm the following evening.
A few months later, I drank half a bottle of Jager and drove home across the Cooper River bridge. I blew a tire out when I hit a curb. Needless to say, I no longer drink jager if I am going to be driving.
- Christina Packard (Mt. Pleasant,SC)
My parents have a boat on Lake Erie and we often frequent Put-In-Bay which is on South Bass island. It's a pretty wild place--lot's of bars.
Last summer we went there to celebrate my sister's birthday. My mother has been a faithful Bud Light drinker since I can ever remember. We were visiting other boaters on our rubber raft and we came across a guy who was drinking Jager. He got her to try it and she decided it was her new favorite drink for the night.
Once up at the bar, my mother was drinking Jager like a college champ. The night got late and my mom got drunk so she decided it was time to head to back to the boat to go to bed. In order to get back to the boat she had to walk through a park with very uneven sidewalks (or so she says they are uneven)denying my fathers help the whole way. Once into the park she fell off the sidewalk and fruitlessly tried to step back onto it, crashing into the ground and breaking her collarbone.
Once back on the boat she wouldn't let anyone help her so she laid in a heap until the next morning when we convinced her it wasn't just a cramp. She spent the rest of her summer on the couch in a sling and in pain. When anyone mentions Jagermeister, she cringes....she's back to Bud Light.
- Jessica McKnight (East Lansing,MI)
Me and my close friends are avid Jagermeister fans. We have built up a shrine of bottles that totals more than a hundred and fifty. Not very exciting story but just thought you'd like to know.
- Caleb Schulte (Mesa, AZ)
ED. NOTE: Cool with us... although Lee wanted to know why he wasn't invited to your little shindig last time he toured the west coast!
One time there was a cool party and we drank lots of jager, and when I woke up in the morning there was this wierd guy named Chris sleeping on the couch with about 4 cats licking him.
- Heem (Branford, CT)
ED. NOTE: We happen to know for a fact that what the cats were licking was dried whipped cream spread on the weird guy by strippers from the bachelor party that Chris attended the night before.... true story.